Thoughts of a Solitary Shadow
by Reikachan14
Summary: Botan and the others find Hiei's journal. They also find the sad tale of Hiei and a very sick little girl whose courage and innocence helped bring out the compassion buried deep within him.
1. Chapter One: Leather Bound Surprise

Thoughts of a Solitary Shadow

Chapter One:  Leather Bound Surprise

It was late afternoon on that autumn day.  It was scheduled to have a small get together at Kurama's.  It had been a while since Botan had gotten a day off, or anyone had seen Hiei.  The leaves were crisp, the sound of them being crushed beneath your feet seemed so loud in the silence and so silent in the noise.  But one boisterous voice rose above the cries of autumn leaves.

"Listen you shrimp, no one likes you here!  I don't know why we even bothered to invite you!  You aren't any fun to be around.  You're always being all cocky and crap.  Who could ever like you?"  Kuwabara shouted at the fire demon before him.

Hiei lowered his gaze.  "Hn.  I'm leaving."  He started to stalk off when Kurama grabbed his shoulder.

"Hiei, don't leave.  I know Yukina would want you to stay.  It's not like any of that stuff is true anyway."

"…But it is…" Hiei whispered.

"What did you say?"  Kurama asked.  His friend's voice had gone down so drastically in volume he couldn't understand what he said.

Hiei shook his head, cursing himself for even whispering that now.  "Nothing.  It's not like I care what the baka thinks of me anyways."  He shrugged off Kurama's hand.  "I'm leaving."

"Aw, leave shorty alone.  Once he's gone everything will be a lot more fun."  Kuwabara crowed.

"Kuwabara!"  Botan shouted.  "These things you're saying are really uncalled for!"

Kurama turned to look at her and shook his head in agreement, and as he turned to look back towards Hiei his friend had already left.  All there was in his place was autumn air filled with the leaves colored like fire.

Botan sighed exasperated, "Look what you did Kuwabara!"  She extended her hand and her oar materialized.  "Baka!"  She screamed as she hit him hard on the head.  Kuwabara's world swirled before him.

As Botan was preparing to strike again Kurama intervened, probably saving Kuwabara from a nasty concussion.  "Okay, that's enough punishment for now."  

"But—" Botan began to protest.  But after looking into Kurama's eyes and Kuwabara's body trembling in pain she gave in.

Yusuke, Yukina, and Keiko came out from Kurama's house to see what was going on.  They all looked around, completely puzzled.  It was a strange scenario to walk into.   Botan looking  ready to kill, Kurama looking frustrated and Kuwabara being knocked out cold…actually the last part wasn't so strange…

"Where's Hiei-kun?  He was here just a minute ago…"  Yukina said as her gaze landed on Kuwabara.  "Is he okay?"

"Aw, he'll be fine.  It's not the first time he's been knocked out."  Yusuke answered nonchalantly.  

"But where did Hiei go?"  Keiko asked as she walked next to Yusuke.

"Well, you see it was something that—"

"Kuwabara said right?"  Yusuke finished for Kurama.  The kitsune nodded.

"Well, I'm not just going to let him leave."  Botan stated firmly, a look of grim determination set on her face. 

"I thought you were scared of him?"  Yusuke said with a grin.

Botan blushed.  "I'm not scared of him…okay.  Maybe I was a tiny bit before but not anymore.  He's part of our team he's our friend now.  Anyways, he's been a bit more broodier lately."

"Um…is that really possible?"  Keiko asked uncomfortably.

"Well, come on.  I mean he hasn't been around as much and…well I just have a feeling you know?"  Botan took a look around her to see if anyone agreed, she was met with a few nods from Kurama and Yusuke.

"I think you are right Botan-chan"  Yukina added quietly.

"Well then, that settles it!  I'm going after Hiei.  He has to have some sort of fun now and then!"  Without another word Botan turned and sprinted on after the remarkably fast koorime.

"Do you think she'll be able to catch him?"  Yusuke asked.

Kurama smiled, "Not really.  But I think I'll go with her."  And following the actions of the deity, Kurama left also.

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Botan looked up as she panted for breath.  She could have sworn she saw a blur of black ahead of her, so she kept running through the deserted park.  "Darn it Hiei!!!"  She shouted into the cool crisp air.  Finally she stopped, the sun was setting and it was going to be dark soon.  With her head hung low in defeat the ferry girl began her way home.  The beauty of the sunset did nothing to console the overwhelming feeling of failure.  She had no idea why suddenly Hiei's persona had suddenly become bleaker, nor had any idea why she had noticed it.

As she walked along dragging her feet she stumbled across something on the ground.  It was a black leather journal, still in mint condition.  On the cover four letters were engraved, the name of the person who owned the book.  Botan's slender fingers began to trace the outline of the name when suddenly Kurama showed up behind her.

"Hey, I supposed He got away…wait.  What is that?"  

Botan looked up, her face a little flushed from the run and her voice incredulous.  "It's Hiei's journal…"  

**A/N:  **Hey Reikachan14 here,

I hope you enjoyed that chapter.  And I'm sorry if you found it bland.  I initially wanted to go right into Hiei's journal but I couldn't resist the cliffie!  It's like those things have evil powers or something…  Anyways, the next chapter will be a lot better because there will be passages from Hiei's journal!  Okay, so on to the teaser!

*Teaser*  So now that Kurama and Botan have found Hiei's journal will they read it?  Well, with the intensity of the curiosity of their Yusuke and Kuwabara it seems that they do.  What they find is a story of Hiei meeting a very sick little girl. 


	2. Chapter Two

Thoughts of a Solitary Shadow 

**Chapter Two**

***Ahem*  Please insert the Standard Disclaimer here =**

"Kurama, this looks familiar for some reason…" Botan whispered faintly as her fingers began to trace the cryptic designs on the cover of the book.  His name was imprinted on the bottom left hand corner, barely noticeable unless it was sought for.

"It should."  Kurama said as Botan looked up into his green eyes.  "You saw me pick it out for him for his birthday gift."

Botan eyes widened in amazement and awe.  "I didn't know he kept it, let alone carried it with him…"  She said softly as she gazed down at the journal.  

"I didn't know either."  Kurama said.  They smiled shyly at each other in silence for a minute before they were shaken out of their reverie.  

Botan began to walk away a few paces before she stopped, "What should we do Kurama?  I mean, we can't leave it here…and what if Hiei gets angry with us for taking it?  But then again, what if he gets angry that we didn't take it?"  Botan sighed from frustration.  "This is too complicated…"

Kurama smiled at her ranting, "I'm sure Hiei will be fine with us just taking it and keeping it safe for him until he decides to return."

Botan nodded, as she walked she idly began to switch the journal from hand to hand, a nervous habit of hers.  As she began to move the book from her left to her right it slipped out of her hand and lay open to the first page, as if tempting them, daring them to read its contents.  But there were a few articles that took over the notice of the pair.

Botan's hand shook slightly as she picked up the items from the book.  There were several photos, of which were part of Hiei's birthday present last year.  She noticed the picture of him and Yukina, the one she had taken while he was off guard.  She knew he would keep that one, but was surprised to find that he had kept one group photo, and also the snapshot of herself and Kurama.

"Botan, look.  He kept the bandana Yusuke gave him last year."  Kurama said as he picked it up off the ground.

And it was.  Botan smiled faintly, discovering that Hiei may not be as detached and cold as she thought.  She turned over the photo of her and Kurama and read the back.  She frowned and inside she fumed.

"Is something wrong?"  Kurama asked with worry.  Botan shoved the photo into his hands, her frown growing deeper when he chuckled.  "The Kitsune and the Ditz."  He read their descriptions out loud from the back of the photo.  "Sounds like him doesn't it?"

Botan sweat-dropped as she realized her anger had no point.  "Yes I suppose it does huh?"  She laughed nervously as she picked up the journal and placing the fallen articles back in.  She tried her best to keep her wandering eyes from 'accidentally' reading a line from the Koorime's journal.  Hiei would probably slice her open if he caught her reading it…  She shuddered to think of the consequences.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I think Kazuma is finally waking up."  Yukina said as the beckoned Keiko and the others to come closer.  She took the ice from Yusuke's and hand and placed it on the huge knot that was forming on Kuwabara's head.  

Kuwabara laid there, breathing heavily with his eyes half shut, until he felt the cold gripping him tightly…Then he jumped up and screamed.  Unfortunately, his sister had dragged him underneath a low tree and when he rose so abruptly he also happened to his a low branch and was knocked out once more.  

"Um…never mind I guess.  I suppose we'll have to wait another hour for Kazuma to wake up again ne?"  Yukina asked sincerely.  Keiko smiled kindly trying to keep from giggling at Kuwabara's predicament.

"You know, it's kind of pathetic when he gets beat up by inanimate objects."  Shizuru said pityingly and she shook her head in distaste.  She lit a cigarette and took a puff as she glanced towards her currently inanimate brother.

Yusuke waited for Keiko to make some sort of reprimand to Shizuru's comment, but instead he only heard the unexpected giggles.  "What?!  How come when other people can make smart ass remarks like that and you laugh, but when I do you slap?  That's not frickin' fair!"

A shattering crack resonated through the conversation….well through Yusuke's whining.

"That's because Shizuru is Kuwabara's brother and she has the born right to tease.  He's unconscious anyway so I suppose it doesn't really matter."

"But what about the slap?  What did I do that time?"

"You cursed."  Keiko laughed cheerily.  "I warned you to stop."

"Yeah yeah…I oughta make you…"  Yusuke grumbled on but was interrupted when he noticed Kurama and Botan walking up towards them, with Hiei conspicuously absent.  Their arrival probably saved Yusuke from another 'warning' from Keiko.

"You didn't find Hiei-kun did you?"  Yukina asked sadly.  Her eyes wandered off to the horizon as the sun was slowly being tucked in to bed under a canopy of trees.  It's final rays found their way into her eyes making her blink and turn away.  She found Botan shaking her head slowly in the 'No' fashion.

They all stood silent, a solemn circle of statues as they felt a twinge of guilt that was dispersed evenly between them.  Suddenly, Kuwabara's rough voice broke through the moment.

He rolled over on his back, his tongue hanging out like puppy's would.  "No Mommy!!  Not the Jell-O people!  Eikichi!!  Save me.  Hurry eat them Eikichi…."  He rolled over again in discomfort before he started squealing.

Yusuke growled, "Alright I'm waking him up right now!  I hear enough of when he's awake, but geez, it's so much worse when he sleeps!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Don't move Kuwabara!  It's hard enough getting this bandage on with out you squirming all over the place."  Botan complained as the bandage once again fell to the floor.  "It's not like you don't deserve this though, after you ran Hiei off."  

Kuwabara just stared at Botan incredulously as Yusuke was choking on air from laughing so much. 

Botan turned back to Yusuke and shoved the medical care items into his hands. "Here Yusuke, you try to do this.  Yukina and Keiko should be coming back soon with the ice.  I'm just going to talk with Kurama in the kitchen."

Yusuke groaned, "Great now I'm stuck playing nurse.  Shizuru why don't you do this?"

Kuwabara's older sister shrugged coolly, "Hey, Botan asked you to fix his head not me."  Then she walked out of the door,  a trail of smoke behind her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Botan brushed her bangs out of her eyes as she stared at Kurama.  "What are we going to do about Hiei's journal?  Should we just hide it?"  She asked as she leaned on the counter.

Kurama closed the fridge and handed her a soda, "I suppose that would probably be the wisest thing to do for now.  Just hand it to me and I'll put it up before anybody else sees it"  Kurama extended his hand expectantly, but never received anything.  "You do have it right Botan?"

The deity's eyes widened as she raised her hand to her mouth, "I think I left it in the living room with…."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"YUSUKE!!!!"  

"No way Kuwabara, it's not like you can read anyways.  I wonder if it's Botan's diary?  I would have thought hers would have been pink or something.  Why do you think she's carrying this old thing around."

"I dunno. Read a couple pages, whoever it belongs to, they won't be too angry." 

***Author's Note***

**^_^;;;;;;  **Heh…  Well, what is there to say?  I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!!!   *Grovels*  Okay, now that this apology is over with, for now at least…, the story.  I found that this chapter was pretty fluffy, more funny and not as serious as the next one will be.  It's more of a kind of set up for the revealing of Hiei's journal.  I'm hoping that I'll get some time and motivation to write the next chapter very very soon.  I'm still trying to write my other stories and keep up with my school work.  Hopefully it'll work out, because I really want this idea of mine to work out.  Review please, if you aren't too mad at me for the long wait, or for the cliff hanger.

p.s.  Thanks to all of my reviewers for getting my lazy  bum to write, you know who you are.


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